Soft-Baked Funfetti Sugar Cookies
These Soft-Baked Funfetti Sugar Cookies are fun and festive. They bake up soft, buttery, and tender.
Don’t listen to the naysayers. You are never too old for sprinkles. It’s impossible to look at a sprinkle-covered cookie and not give a little smirk. Even, say, when your post-surgical dog is being unreasonable and not heeding the advice of the vet.
Our 1-year old pitbull pup ruptured his cranial cruciate ligament (known as the ACL in humans) a few weeks ago. We couldn’t pinpoint the exact cause, but we believe it happened after a visit to the dog park. The instant I take him off the leash, he turns into speed racer. The vet told us that it’s the most common injury that a dog suffers, and, often times, the owner is unable to recall how the injury happened since it can occur during normal activities, like walking.
Last Tuesday we dropped Sully off for surgery. It broke my heart to have to leave him, knowing that they were about to slice and dice his innards, but I was also excited to begin the process of getting his quality of life back. The few weeks prior to surgery were spent resting to minimize pain. We’re an extremely active bunch, so rest and relaxation was definitely a challenge.
Now that Sully is 8 days post surgery, it’s becoming even more of a challenge to keep the joker calm and relaxed. He’s starting to feel better, which, in his mind, translates to “let’s play!” Um, no, sorry, dude, we won’t be playing any time soon. Tough love is hard, yo!
For the past week, I’ve spent every waking moment watching the dog like a hawk. When he’s up walking around, he has to be on a leash to prevent running, jumping, and all things fun. I’m now looked upon as the killer of fun and joy.
Honestly, I think the dude is becoming increasingly tired of my presence. I’m always around. I’m all up in his personal bubble 24/7. Yesterday, he saw me walking towards him, so he bolted in the opposite direction in order to escape my unwavering company.
I’ll put it this way, life has been no cocktail party this past week. Speaking of cocktails, I haven’t had a single sip of booze since… Well, I can’t quite remember. It’s been that long! I’m getting a bit twitchy as a result.
I’ve done things these past 8 days. Things I never thought I’d have to do in a lifetime. Things I’m not quite proud of. Things that should be packed and stored in the very dark depths of the brain.
There’s no fun in packing away the haunting memories; rather, I’m going to share them with you, because sharing is caring.
These past 8 days have brought a seeping dog asshole. I’m not kidding. I wish I were, but I’m not. It wasn’t funny at the time, but now that it’s over, we can have a laugh about it. My dog’s ass was literally leaking poo the day after he came home from surgery. His ass was like an old faucet with a slow leak. I’m just grateful I keep adult wipes handy. <— I buy them in bulk at the Costco. No bum shall go unclean!
Don’t be dissing the adult wipes. I’m a classy lady, and we classy ladies like to maintain a clean bum. Those Cottonelle commercials really spoke to me when they first made their television debut.
We’re getting off topic.
If you’re easily grossed out, please scroll down to the recipe. If you have an iron gut, spoiler alert–we’re gonna talk about poop some more.
So, for the first 24 hours after Sully’s surgery, I had wipe his ass with my bare hands, because no normal, workaday person keeps a box of latex gloves stored in their linen closet. Note to future self: Purchase latex gloves.
Since he couldn’t get in the tub, giving him bath wasn’t an option, so I was forced to give him a sponge bath as he growled at me for touching his ass. Fine, stay stinky… See if I care. Come to find out, I did care. If I have to sleep on the floor with you, the last thing I want is to turn over to face a crusty asshole. In other words, get over, because you’re getting your ass cleaned.
For those of you who claim that dogs aren’t smart, you’re wrong! I’m kind of wishing that statement were true at the moment. If it were, Sully would be swallowing the pills I’ve been hiding in his pill pockets instead of meticulously chewing around the pill before spitting the damn thing out. Why?!!!! Why can’t you just swallow the flipping pill (said as I’m tugging at my hair in a fit of rage).
Okay, he figured you out. We’ll try a new method.
So I boiled some chicken and started wrapping his pills in shredded chicken. I got one day out of that method.
Okay, don’t panic. You got this. Cheese!
He swallowed the hunk of cheese hiding the pill whole. That totally deserves a 180 Chuck Norris-style kick in the air.
After landing my perfect 180 air kick, I immediately landed in a pile of foamy dog barf. Guess what was in the center of that barf pile… You got it, the hunk of cheese. And, in the center, the undigested pill.
Let the battle begin. I will come out the winner, dog! Now we dance. And by dance, I mean wrestle the dog until he swallows the pill.
Disclosure: No dogs were harmed during the wrestling session.
Steps are no bueno for post-surgical pups. Given that Squirrel works during the day and I’m here all by my lonesome with an impaired pup, I’ve had to haul his hulk-like girth up and down the basement steps so he can use the bathroom.
I’ll soon need a walker equipped with tennis balls and a seat for when I become too tired to walk–a luxury walker. This way I can pop a squat and bust a mini out of my purse to help gain my composure before carrying on.
Both of my hip bones are bruised from sleeping on the floor. I’m a side sleeper. No matter how many blankets I stack on top of each other, I can feel the hard wood floor underneath.
Only six more weeks to go! Pray for me, guys. Send booze (preferably bourbon).
For now, these Soft-Baked Funfetti Sugar Cookies will have to do. You’re sprinkle-loving soul is going to fall head-over-heels for these colorful cookies. They bake up soft, tender, and buttery. I added a hint of almond extract to give them some character.
The cookies get molded into little round balls and rolled in rainbow jimmies. They’re fun, bright, and cheerful. If you’re having a downright shitty day (pun intended), whip up a batch of these cookies, because sprinkles.
Soft-Baked Funfetti Sugar Cookies
- 1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, at room-temperature
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 2 egg yolks
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/4 teaspoon almond extract
- 1 and 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
- 2 and 1/4 teaspoons cornstarch
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1/2 cup rainbow jimimes